i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
