Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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