3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
