just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize