i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i think my cat just said my name.
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