i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
