well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
