I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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