I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
