We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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