oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
