There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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