I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He did a backflip because drugs
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