i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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