i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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