Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
