allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
