At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
