He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
