im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
