remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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