nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
