my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
