Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Boobs are out for the taking
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
