well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
