I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my shit smells like andre
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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