things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
