I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
