WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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