its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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