the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Two words: blizzard sex
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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