Quick, to the slutcave!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
