Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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