arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need a beard to bite.
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