We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
