Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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