i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
