You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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