Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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