So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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