i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
