I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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