I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
