Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
