she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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