What did we do last night that was yellow?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
