I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize