This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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