You're completely useless in the revolution.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
