I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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