I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
