I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
try to milk me bitch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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