We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
