the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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