trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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