Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
