She announced her abortion via fbk
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
