The maid of honor just puked.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize