Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
