we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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