Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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