in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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