Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
