yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
