So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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