I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
