So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
