Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
