i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
