Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
