Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
