She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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