His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
