we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
