Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
