Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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