Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
