I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Everclear isn't food dammit
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
