Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
