Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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