we have pet lesbian snakes
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
