I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
