GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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