Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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