you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
