I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
