if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
