all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize