Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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