Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When are your genitals available?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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