Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
