I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
