i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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