what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
