Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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