I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
