Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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