He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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