Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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