my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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