my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
