Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
