the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
