I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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