you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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