I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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