New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
